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misery_in_vain
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Name: Monica Nicole
Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States
Birthday: 12/4/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: art, skating, guitar,cooking, writing my poems
Expertise: poetry, im already published in 3 books,
soon to be 5, im currently editing "what I'd give" and working on a new one called "nothing left to sacrifice" (i specialize in the sad stuff, pretty deep in romance too)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Yahoo:  sweet_lil_kiss06
Member Since:
2/6/2005
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| i am going to marry this boy and have his babies..haha...i cant
wait...im so happy...ive seriously been handed the best life a person
could live and i never expected it...i never even asked for it cuz i
didnt think i deserved it...but here it s and nw that i ahve him i
could never let him go...ive been given a taste of true love and now im
addicted to him..i could never go back to that lonely, pointless life
i'd lived before. Tim Olson, you bring out the best in me and if
thats not as good as it should be then i promis eill do my best to make
it better...i love you to death....and even in death our love lives
on....even in another life.....you'll still always be the only one for
me.. I LOVE YOU. forever and always...you're baby girl...monica
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| you make me want to fold myself inside out...just to show you how i
feel on the inside...if only i could find a way to show my
feelings..the way you want me to show them.. what way is that? if you
could just see the way my heart must beat everytime i see your face for
the first time each day then maybe you might understand what im
feeling...some clue as to how unmistakenly taken i am by you. at times
i wonder if my hearts still beating or if ive crossed into
another life through death and im just some corpse deadly dreaming of
the life i wanted but never had...or if i did die and this is some form
of heaven im in and im being praised and rewarded for being a
good person in some other life...the reward would be me here with you..
whatever this may be...whatever the reason for it..im grateful..if this
really is just a dream then let me keep on dreaming...as long as i can
stay here in your warm and loving arms...in our own little world...made
out of passion and love...as long as i can wake to see if only another
day of your beautiful smile....passionate eyes....knowing you love me
like you do...as long as i have that much..i need NOTHING else....you
are all ill ever need to survive and be perfectly content...no..not
content...blessed... its so weird...i know you're too good
for me and you deserve better but at the same time i need you and im
well aware that id die and wither into nothingness if you ever left my
side...your hand wraps around my own and i feel like nothing could ever
hurt me...you hold me in your arms and i feel as if im in the arms of
an angel and you're taking me flying...i never want to wake up from
this feeling. When you're not here with me i attempt to hug the air
around me tight in my mind dreaming its you.. sometimes i breathe a
little deeper in hopes of catching your scent...sometimes i can
smell your hair..or your cologne..sometimes if i really listen..i cant
even hear your laugh...the sweet things you tend to whisper in my
ear...but for now..in my dream land....these little attempts and hopes
for little glances and whispers of you wont have to be permanent
becuase for now in my little dreamland..i hold you so close to my
heart..i pray i always will....i LOVE you..b-bye baby
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| hey peeps, well...none of YOU really read this anymore so ill refer to
the only one that does, which just HAPPENS to ALSO be the only one that
MATTERS..so to hell with the rest of you..muhahahaha! so for a more
precise introduction...
HEY TIMMY!! i love you hunny....i miss you soooooooooo much...even
though i just saw you at about 4:20 this morinig..haha..thats shit was
FUN! i got to spend all day with you yesterday then when you dropped me
off you came back bout 2 hour slater and we hung out for about 5 hour
more! lol..i cnat thionk of a better way to spend my time!! probably
thanks to the fact that there ISNT ONE! my baby rules all...my heart,
body, mind and soul..especially my mind...cant possible get him off of
it if i wanted to....i am nothing less of the word OBSESSED and also
DEVOTED.... i love him more than anythign or anybody EVER. so
opnce again i say "skrew the rest of you!" haha
You've shown me how to live..
please never leave me in the dark..
Ive layed broken on the floor for much too long...
Damage has been past done,
but you've healed my old wounds, and left your mark..
Flames engulf the feelings ive always felt for you
i loved you even before i met you..
you had no form within my mind...but i felt you..
somewhere out there in the vacinity between heaven and hell
no matter where i always prayed id find you..
at one point i'd given up seraching...
but im so glad you found you way into my heart
at the one time when i wasnt even searching for you..
when i desired you the most...
but believed in you the least..
had given up on all possibility of your presence..
then doubted my worthiness in all.
My hearts burnt for you for all eternity..
before there was any you, or me, or us.
Before love was a word...only an undescribable sense
that was far from understood
now it'll never burn out...all because of you..
At one point i was left....broken and lost..
thanks to this ..
i had once set my boundaries,
thanks to you..those lines have been crossed
All prayer and dreams were once left nothing but shattered....
you came into my life, saved me from my internal bleeding..
your love corrupted my heart...previously battered.
Once all was dark, corrupted and cold...
now the sun beams down on the hands of two lovers...
two hands....now one heart....finally whole
my lonliness can depart
for eternally...here ill be..
in the arms of one who truly loves me for me
and sees some sort of beauty i never knew i possesed
but im glad he sees it because it keeps his heart by my side..
okay so this isnbt really much of a poem per say....its mroe
of...ehh...a thing i wrote taht doens treeally rhyme but who needs
ryhmes!! lol..jp...ehh..ill make pretty ones..dont woorry
baby..haha..im sorry it sucks..ill make very very pretty ones and post
them once they are finished..lol..I LOVE YOU!!
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| well...im back..haha...its safe to
say that i havent been on here in a loooooooooooong time..lol.
but....LOTS to update on. To begin the first chapter of the rest
of my life..i've fallen in love, deep and uncontrollaby.never meant
to....in fact i promised myself thats the one thing i'd stay farthest
from... but....around late july of last summer...i was at the Warren
skatepark with some new friends i made here in Park City:Devin and Eric
and a couple of which i forgot names..haha. anyways...it had been about
my 2nd or third time being there for the past two weeks and from
the point that i got there there were two guys skating in the bowl and
i thought i kept noticing one looking at me and i glanced and he
glanced and then i went to the trail where my friends were skating...i
came
back about 10 or 15 minutes later for my lil bro mike. i held his
glasses for him while he skated...and i walked outside the gate
forsumthin...then when i was walkign back in this kid yelled "HEY WATCH
MY TRICK" and i look behind me like "who the fuck he talkign to", ya
know? haha. when i was fairly sure it was me i said back "go for it!!"
then he fell..haha..its okay..i laughed at him and thought "smooooth,
real smoooth" haha, but i thought it was cute...then i sat on the bench
with my friends and this same guy was leaving and i watched him and he
turned around and said "bye" ...haha. about 5 or 10 minutes later he
comes back, walks straight up to me and says " yo, you wanna give me
your number??" hahaha. i hesitated like...SERIOUSLY..haha. but them im
like..."uhh..sure" and i pull out my phone and cant remember my phone
number because it was a brand new phone...then im like..."here ill juss
call you on it, what ur number?" and i tried and it wouldnt work..haha.
then hes like. "ugh..here" and he did it..haha. he ended up thinking
that i was lying cuz i didnt wanna give it to him. Anyways....after
he'd gone...i looked back at my friends and they were all staring at
me, eyebrows raised...one said "you're a little pimp" and i said "oh,
he'll never call, guys liek to pull that little thign where they TRY to
get a number and if they do then yeah thats soem kinda ego-boost for
them and tahts all they need, no call" haha. turns out he called THAT
night...made me smile but at the same time im like..."whoa, wtf" ya
know?? haha...then he calle dthe next night an di didnt answer then
either...then he called another time that night and i answered , at
some point found out his name was Tim through a text message..and we
talked strictly on the phone for two months straight...completely
forgot one-anothers faces...didnt have a CLUE what Tim looked like..all
we did was tlak...every night...tel eachother secrets...well...his took
a little longer..i have no idea at the time what made me spill all mine
out to him like that but soemhtign in him gave me hope and some sense
of safety and trust and well......i told him. eventually after that two
months of talkin on the phone...i texted Tim tellin him to get to my
house one friday afterschool...he came and when i opened the door he
smiled and it was like sunshine....i smiled too..haha...i feel kinda
stupid even now cuz i felt like i may have smiled a little too big..(i
thought he was perttty) lol...and that night we went to the movies and
mall for our first date, haha...it included my little bro tagging along
of course becuz my parents were worried about me going out alone with a
guy they'd never met and i'd only met once. haha...(i dont blame them)
and on that first date while we were walking in the mall i kept
attempting to hold his hand (by then id already liked him..) and he wa
splaying this little game pretending he didnt like me in order to
make sure iiiiiiiii liked himmmm. bullshit, lol. anyeways, he was
pretending not to notice so after awhile i stopped tryign and then a
little while late rin the Gurnee food court my bro was getting
something and Tim smiled really big and i asked why he was smiling and
he said "oh what, you dont want me to smile?? fine, ill stop, haha" and
im like "no!! i love your smile..SMIIIILE!" and i threw my arms around
his neck and at that moment i felt his arms immediately lock arond my
back and my waist and he held me so tightly, so safely....even now it
brings tears to my eyes thinking back to the way that moment made me
feel..for those split seconds....i felt like the world was twirling
around us...like we were the center of the universe and it orbitted
around two people holding eachother, even though we barely knew
eachother in that sense....that gave the word embrace a whole new
menaing for me...i'd honestly never felt such an intensity form the way
soemone HELD me...and when i thought i was holdin on too long i pulled
back a little bit and prepared to let go..and he didnt let me
go.....that only made it even better and put the biggest sile on my
face...even then i almost feel like i knew that i loved him....
anyways....then we went to the theater..bought tickets for the 40 Yr
Old Virgin...and then went to teh consession stand and he hugged me and
i kissed him on the cheek and he looked at me funny and kissed me on
the cheek...lol. Then when we were in the movie he said something and i
kissed him again on the cheek and he looked at me once more..i looked
at the screen he touched my chin and turned my face back to his and
kissed me softly and sweetly....and me being me, i got caught up in teh
moment and eventually kissed him with my "INTENSE, SEDUCTIVE" kiss..lol
(he calls it that sometimes..) then about halfway into the movie...he
asked me to homecoming..and naturally i said yes...was onyl the
beginning of the rest of my life....about a month or so later were were
at six flags...he picked me up over a curb and wouldnt let me walk by
myself..i ran, he chased me..lol. He kept making me laugh and
suddenyl...completely out of nowhere...completely on my own....for the
first time in my life i said "i LOVE you!" (covered my mouth..looked
down, blushed and didnt talk much for the remainder of the evening...)
the amazement in this is that i have never in my life, without being
pressured or said it to first or told that i wasnt "compassionate
enough" ...i said it all my own...the words came out of nowhere...from
ME. my mouth, my thoughts...my heart...he stole my heart in the matter
of about 3 months when my heart wasnt even close to being up for
grabs...i'd swore to myself i'd hide it away for a little while and not
let ANYONE get close....he did....and ive never been more proud of
anythign in my life...that my uncontrollable feelings for him triumphed
over my stuborn prmise id made to myself in a state of feelign sorry
for myself! we are now engaged! he truley is my angel....i wouldnt
choose anyone else to steal my heart...hes my favorite little bandit in
the whole world..lol. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU TIMOTHY JON OLSON AND I
HAVE NO BETTER INTENTION THAN TO SPEND THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE WITH
YOU..MARRY YOU, HAVE CHILDREN, GROW OLD WITH YOU AND LOVE YOU ALL THE
SAME AS THE WAY I ALWAYS HAVE AND DO NOW! THE LOVE I SEE IN YOUR EYES
AND THE SHINE I SEE EVERYTIME YOU SMILE AT ME! YOU ARE THE LIFE THAT I
NEVER KNEW I WAS BLESSED TO LIVE AND ID WITHER AND DIE WITHOUT YOU BY
MY HEARTS SIDE! 
always and forever
monica nicole olson
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| nothing to talk about really.....bordom, self-loathing, then theres
other people loathing as well, fuckers, anyways, yeah, umm, i would
take it out on a pen and peice of paper but then that would just end up
like last night's post now wouldnt it? and NOBODY wants to hear about Monica's
issues...well, i never really expected anyone to WANt to hear bout it,
i just kinda thought they'd try to LISTEN if they cared about me.... so
im gonna shut my mouth and go back to bed......laterz all
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